Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Welcome To Love Dolts!

Time to reach out a helping hand for those who don't know what love is or what the hell they're doing in their dysfunctional relationships.

Each night as I'm driving home from the gym after work, a local radio stations is playing all love songs and dedications to young lovers from those who call in.  

I only hear about 15 minutes of it each night, but some of these folks dedicating songs really need to re-think their relationships or what they'll admit to on a radio station.  

While I'm not going to give out any actual names (like I could remember them), these are a couple of the more recent dedications that I couldn't believe (paraphrased a bit, but not exaggerated):

CALLER:  I'd like to say to my wife that I'm so sorry, and I'm working to be the man you want and I promise that I will change.  I love you and am trying to be the man that you want me to be.

DJ:  How long have you two been married?

CALLER:  25 years.

Dear caller, if  after 25 years of marriage you're STILL not the man she wants, I've got news for you.  You are EXACTLY the man she wants;  one that is so afraid of upsetting her and with such low self-esteem, she can always get what she wants and you keep crawling back to her.  What kind of relationship do you want?

CALLER:  This song is going out to my boyfriend of 18 years.  He's such a wonderful man, and I love him so much.  We've been together since high school, and I'm so glad he's in my life.  I love you!

DJ:  Marriage never came up in 18 years?

CALLER:  Well, we're both caring for our sick mothers.

Caring for a sick parent is certainly a huge responsibility, but since high school?  If they haven't kicked-off in 18 years, then it's time to turn off their respirators and go and have yourselves a life!  Your mothers got to have a life, why not you?  YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATED or HE'S QUEER DEAR!   Take your pick.

Time for one more call!

CALLER:  I'd like to dedicate this my boyfriend of five years in Colorado.  I love him so much; he's the perfect man for me.  He's being transferred soon to a new city, and I'm hoping that he gets transferred somewhere closer to Chicago!

DJ:  How long has he been in Colorado?

CALLER:  Two years.   We've always been a long-distance relationship, but he's so kind and nice.  I just hope he get relocated closer this time!  I couldn't image a more perfect man.

Of course he's perfect, you don't live with or even near him!  Why wouldn't the relationship be idyllic since you don't have to pick up his socks all over the house and he doesn't have to wait for your bras to dry before taking a shower.  It's easy to live with an ideal, not so much when it's a person.

As a side note, if he's in Colorado having a long distance relationship with you, who's to say he's not having relationships all over the place with ladies who think he's just perfect too?

Time for a prayer:

Dear Lord, 

Help these poor Love Dolts and show them the path to healthy, loving relationships with actual people they know and who love them back.  Their current partner's suck!


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